“I love you” is an expression parents long to hear their children say. But the wait to hear those words is often long and sometimes without end for parents of kids with special needs that include communication delays. Today, guest blogger Kimberly Drew tells when her daughter Abbey—who lives with cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia—told her mom, “I love you.”

When “I Love You” Is Hard to Hear…Literally

Abbey was about four years old before I finally realized that she probably wasn’t going to gain a functional vocabulary. She has some vocal approximations, but overall, she is considered a non-verbal child.  At first, I was just disappointed that we wouldn’t be singing together. I grew up in a house full of music with a family that sang anytime, anywhere. I still can’t watch a children’s choir without crying. But there are some things that a parent just really, really needs to hear their child say.

When “I Love You” Seems Selfish

I can’t think of anything more moving than “I love you.” I remember praying at night, that if she couldn’t say anything else, I just wanted to hear those three words. In the early years, they didn’t come. I know it seems selfish, but when you are loving your child so desperately, and caring for their needs so meticulously, you want to know that your child feels something for you. You want to know that what you’re doing for them is getting past the physical and deep into their spirit.

When “I Love You” Is Silent

I have to say, I believe with all my heart that it does. Every time your child feels safe in your arms, every time they turn to you for comfort at a doctor’s appointment, when they stare into your eyes a few seconds longer than normal, just tell your heart that it’s “I love you.”  A smile, a laugh, a roll of the head in your direction…it comes from a place locked inside that wants to say the words but can’t.

When “I Love You” Is Necessary

My father-in-law started something with his two sons when they were younger. He never leaves them or gets off the phone without saying, “I love you.” Even now as adults with our own families, he won’t say goodbye until you’ve said, “I love you too.” It’s such a sweet thing to do, and so important for him to hear those words back. When you notice those little things, don’t forget to tell your child that you love them too. They need to know, that you know, that they love you!

When “I Love You” Finally Comes

I have to say, that after seeing us use sign language to say, “I love you” over and over, Abbey finally picked it up. At first, she would just copy-cat us doing it to her…but one night after tucking her into bed, she pulled my head down to hers. Her cerebral palsy gives her quite a grip! So after our forceful clash of foreheads, she let me go and signed “I love you.”  Of course I said, “I love you, too,” and then slipped out of the room to go cry my eyes out. At ten, she now occasionally tries to say it too.  I know how much effort she has to go through to get those words out, and they mean that much more.

If you find yourself caring for a child who has difficulty speaking, I want to encourage you. Your child knows you love them. Period. And they love you, too.

When Did Your Child Say “I Love You?”

Did you wait a long time to hear your child say “I love you?” Are you still waiting? Whatever your case may be, we’d love to hear your child’s “I love you” story if you’d like to share it in the comment box. Thanks!

photo credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

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