The Eternal Parenting Question: Could I Do More?
Could I do more?
Have you ever asked yourself that question? How often? Daily? Hourly? Every other minute? No matter how often you ask the question, you are in good company. Parents of kids with special needs, including guest blogger Ellen Stumbo, ask the question often. Read on to find out how Ellen has learned to answer it.
Could I Do More?
There are times when I think about my children, and I begin to ask myself, “Could I do more?”
This question seems to be more frequent when it comes to our two younger daughters Nina and Nichole, since they have more challenges than typical children do.
Could We Do More Stretching?
With Nina, I find myself asking that question when it comes to her physical development. Should I stretch her more? Should we do more strength-building exercises? Should we practice walking more often? Could I do more?
Yet, for the last 2 weeks, I feel this question keeps coming up when I think about Nichole. Could I do more?
Could We Do More Speech?
I recently read a memoir about having a child with Down syndrome. I believe this is when this question began nagging at me, especially in the area of speech. Nichole’s greatest challenge is speech. We have communication going but speech has been slow…and hard. It does not help that Nichole is very shy and will not talk to anyone she does not know well. This basically means she only talks to her family.
Could We Do More Sign Language?
At school, Nichole has taken her time to feel comfortable enough to talk to her teachers. She did not talk for quite a while. One of the teachers is fluent in sign language (2 members of her family are deaf, so she can sign as well as she talks), and they quickly realized that Nichole was responding better that way. Last Friday I was blown away when the teacher talked to Nichole and Nichole responded back to her with signs. Not just a sign here or there like we do at home, but I mean she actually said a sentence with sign language. Should I have pushed myself to learn sign language in order to give her better communication? Could I do more?
The Comparison Trap
I also fall in the trap of comparing. I’ve been reading about children Nichole’s age and all they are able to do. How well they speak, how well they enunciate words, how well they sight read, how well they count. Could I do more?
Yet Nichole is Nichole. Her love for life makes us stare at her in wonder, with goofy grins plastered on our faces. She is great! How we love this child and how she has changed us?
Sometimes, Good Enough Is Good Enough
The thing is, Nichole will speak. Sure, it will take her longer, but she will speak. Nichole will count, she will write, she will read, and she will excel in the areas where she is talented. We love her, and we are proud of her. So proud of her.
Could I do more? I am sure I could do more for all my girls, but for now, I know I do what I can. And that is good enough.
When Do You Ask, “Could I Do More?”
Thanks for putting the thoughts of many parents into words, Ellen. Readers, when (not if) do you ask, “Could I do more?” When do you fall into the comparison trap? When is good enough good enough? Leave a comment if you have answers or thoughts about any of these questions.
Jolene
Yes, days only have so many hours – and child rearing – even for parents of typical children is exhausting!
Bev,
Sometimes we need to remember exactly that. Even if our kids didn’t have special needs, being parents is hard work.
Jolene
And there are the days where I have spent all day on facebook and know I could have done more!
But yes, having children is a full time job where we are tested to the limits and we wonder if we are doing a good job or not.