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12+ Ways to Make Your Marriage Fun Again

How much time to parents of kids with special needs have for Valentine’s Day? Probably not much. But with the holiday associated with romance right around the corner, this is a good time to invest in your marriage. Today, guest blogger Laurie Wallin, mom to four girls (two with special needs), has some advice about how to add fun to your marriage. As you’ll see, she’s speaking from experience!

12+ Ways to Make Your Marriage Fun Again

At breakfast, I looked across the table at him, giddy and delighted that he’s mine. It’s been 12 years now, and I’m completely head over heels for this 6’7″ guy I met as a college senior. I love that he can relax when I can’t. That he thinks of a hundred ideas for something when I ask him for one. That he molests kisses me when I’m trying to load the dishwasher. That he makes me laugh when my kids are having a blowout all around us. And that he loves me no matter how many times I make him read my blog or tell him all my hair-brained business ideas!

At one point, I almost threw away this life with him. After a new baby and two years of foster parenting our special needs preschoolers, the marriage was somewhere between complacent and downright hostile. We were both exhausted, our home had been turned upside-down, we were isolated from our friends, and we both handled it badly. He immersed himself in work. I banged my head against a wall since I felt like a single mom raising three kids in hell. I did lots of yelling. He did lots of sleeping. I finally packed my bags and prepared to leave.

And then one day, in the middle of a fight (in which I actually head-butted him!), we just stopped. Somehow we decided it was worth too much to throw it all away. But it couldn’t stay the way it was… we had to find a way to make it fun again.

With the help of counseling and wonderful friends who told us when we were being idiots to each other supported us, I can honestly say we’ve done that. So, in honor of our 12th anniversary this week, here’s a baker’s dozen of the most helpful things we’ve found to make marriage fun, despite life’s challenges:

  1. Remember that there is an enemy in your marriage, and your spouse is not him.
  2. Laugh. A lot. If you forget how, rent stand-up comedy DVD’s.
  3. Have a regular date night that only gets canceled if someone’s in the ER.
  4. Get counseling. Or coaching. Something that gives you a safe place to fight and heal.
  5. Go on double dates. It’s date night with added laughter and conversation variety!
  6. Spend the first 4 minutes every day cuddling together. Alone. This reminds everyone in the house your marriage is the priority.
  7. Have sex. Often. More than just when you “feel like it.” Schedule it if you have to!
  8. Every once in a while, ask each other four things: What does your spouse want you to do more of? Less of? Start doing? Stop doing? Never assume you know each other’s minds completely.
  9. For long-standing disagreements, find a way to take care of your needs. We fought for years about me wanting more help around the house. It wasn’t his forte, so we made adjustments and I hired a part-time sitter/home helper. It ended that resentment issue between us.
  10. Censor marital advice (i.e. ignore naysayers). Surround yourself with people who value your marriage as much as you do.
  11. Decide to stay. I packed my things more than once, and each time I just decided I’d stay one more week. If there’s no abuse, glue your feet to the floor if you have to. Just stay.
  12. The way you act in first three months of a big change isn’t indicative of the rest of your life together. So don’t freak out when you’re both funky around a new baby, new job, relocation, death or illness.
  13. Get away every once in a while for at least 24 hours. Priceline makes it really reasonable!

Laurie ends her post with two questions:

  • What would you add to this list?
  • If your marriage is just okay, and you want it to be truly great, what do you need to get there?

To read more posts by Laurie, visit her blog at http://livingpower.blogspot.com. And if you have suggestions to add to Laurie’s baker’s dozen, leave them in the comment box.

Getting ready for Valentine’s Day,
Jolene

Laurie Wallin is a wife and mom of four – two adopted with developmental delays, mood disorders, and ADHD. A former junior high teacher turned speaker and life coach, she loves to learn, laugh until their sides hurt, and help women be courageous in life. Visit Laurie at her blog, lauriewallin.com.

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8 Responses to “12+ Ways to Make Your Marriage Fun Again”

  1. Christine says:

    Love this thanks for posting Laurie and Jolene. Its wonderful.

  2. You two look like high school sweethearts! A beautiful and wise post, Laurie!

  3. Jolene says:

    I agree, Barbara and Christine. Laurie and her hubby look way too young. Obviously, the saying “with age comes wisdom” doesn’t apply here!

    Jolene

  4. Lainie B says:

    Put a smile on my face, I love my hubby and always am trying to find new ways to keep us keep our love alive :)

  5. Funny, Barbara. Everyone says that about us. Gary’s even called the baby-faced boss at his job. :)

    I’d love to hear some of Lainie’s ideas of things she’s tried to keep the love alive. Please share??

    And thanks again, Jolene, for the chance to share here!

  6. Jolene says:

    Hi Lainie,

    Yes, do share some of your ideas. With your little one who has special needs, you probably have practical ideas other couples can use.

    Jolene

  7. Marriage can be tough in many ways NOT having-a-child-with-special-needs but perhaps no one understands better than another parent with a child with special needs. That is my disclaimer, since I am not…but I have observed many parents of children with special needs over the years of my career.

    With that disclaimer, I offer a little expansion of no. 11. Believing in the commitment of marriage is a substantial precursor to ‘fun’ or surviving the un-fun. Often, life-long commitment is associated with a spiritual or religious belief. 1 of 2 of my advice to young-engaged is: find a church/worship community and live within it – for support, for growth.

    2 of 2 is to learn to live on one income. This is a quality of life issue for my Hubby and me. We committed to having one parent at home early-on and have never regretted it. I don’t see mention of finances in your list, Laurie, but like religion, money can be an important factor in a marriage.

  8. Jolene says:

    Hi Barbara,

    Your suggestions are a good addition to Laurie’s. While every family may not be able to live on one income (we weren’t able to do so for many years because I carried the insurance), finances are a huge issue. Living within your means is crucial. Your comment reminds me to check my manuscript and see if I addressed the issue.

    Thanks,
    Jolene

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