Hot Button Phrases: Parent Responses, Part 2
Welcome back for Part 2 in this series about phrases that push the hot button for parents of kids with special needs. In the first post, I shared my hot button phrase. In this post, I’m sharing the stories of some moms who answered my original call for phrases people need to stop using in the presence of kids with special needs and their families.
How Did He Get This?
Today’s response came from the mother of a child with Noonan’s Syndrome. (If that condition rings a bell with you, you may be thinking about Evan Newport, a little boy I’ve mentioned before at DifferentDream.com.) Here’s what she had to say:
“My hot button phrases are ‘What did you do to give this to him?’ or ‘How did he get this?’ or ‘Didn’t you get prenatal care?’
People sometimes wonder if I did something to give my child a genetic disorder. The only thing I ever did was fall in love with his father. He also has the same genetic disorder as our son, but a case so mild that it went undiagnosed until our son was born. It isn’t something that we did on purpose. I had the best prenatal care available, ate nothing but nutritious food, and took no drugs other than what my doctor prescribed.”
We Didn’t Choose This for Him
Do you hear this mom’s frustration and pain? Do you sense her deep love for her husband and child and the hurt these thoughtless questions cause? She goes on to say, “Our son was just the victim of chance–every baby we have has a 50% chance to inherit Noonan Syndrome. We didn’t choose this for him, but not everyone understands that.”
Now We Do Understand
But now, we do understand. Now we know better than to ask questions like these. No matter how well-meaning our intentions may be and how curious we are, we have no right to pass judgment on parents of kids with special needs. Instead, we have a responsibility to treat all families with respect. And we have an opportunity to help them bear their burdens.
So what kinds of questions could well-meaning people ask to facilitate respect and provide support? If you have some ideas, please share them.
Pushing buttons,
Jolene
