More Book Research: What Are Your Hot Button Phrases?
Today, let’s talk about hot button phrases. You know what I mean. Phrases that don’t accurately describe your child’s situation. Phrases that emphasize a child’s condition above the child. Phrases that wound you and may someday wound your little one.
Special Needs Child or Child with Special Needs
Not too long ago, the mom of three beautiful daughters agreed to look over the outline for Different Dream Parenting: Raising a Child with Special Needs and tell me what was right on, what was off-base and what was missing. Though I’d combed through my writing and thought I’d eliminated all hot button phrases, she found two references to special needs children.
“Instead, say children with special needs,” she reminded gently. “Then the child is first. The need is second.”
My Child Isn’t Sick
Then she told me how well-meaning people often come up to her and say, “I’m so sorry your daughters are sick. I’ll pray for them to get better.”
“The thing is,” she said, “my daughters aren’t sick. All three of my daughters are very healthy, including the one with Down’s Syndrome and the one with cerebral palsy. They don’t need to get better. They are who they are, and who they are should be celebrated.”
What Are Your Hot Button Phrases?
Her wisdom got me thinking about the other hot button phrases parents of kids with special needs hear frequently. So I’m asking you to share your hot button phrases by leaving a comment or emailing me directly. If you’re okay with it, some of your responses might become part of Different Dream Parenting: Raising a Child with Special Needs. Otherwise, they’ll be between the two of us.
Thanks for your help,
Jolene
Well since you asked for it…I wrote an entire post about this issue we deal with. STARING! And trust me when I say we are not alone in this.
http://www.sneakpeekatme.com/2010/06/please-teach-your-children-about.html
But as far as one hot button question asked:
Q: “What’s wrong with him?”
A: Nothing is WRONG with him whats wrong is you asking such a question in FRONT of him. What’s wrong with YOU?!?!
My hot button phrases are “What did you do to give this to him?” or “How did he get this?” or “Didn’t you get prenatal care?”
People sometimes wonder if I did something to give my child a genetic disorder. The only thing I ever did was fall in love with his father. He also has the same genetic disorder as our son, but a case so mild that it went undiagnosed until our son was born. It isn’t something that we did on purpose. I had the best prenatal care available, ate nothing but nutritious food, and took no drugs other than what my doctor prescribed. Our son was just the victim of chance–every baby we have has a 50% chance to inherit Noonan Syndrome. We didn’t choose this for him, but not everyone understands that.
Dear Chrissy,
Thanks for your insight. People aren’t always very sensitive to what they don’t understand or have not experienced. I would love to talk to you more about how you handle these situations. I’ll contact you via email.
Jolene
Dear Janis,
Sorry it took so long for me to respond, but we were on vacation and the internet service was very slow. But, I just peeked at your blog post and understand your frustration. Thank you for providing a list of books for parents instead of just venting. The list is fabulous. I may have to blog about them to increase awareness, too.
Once the laundry’s done and I’m functioning at a level above post-vacation zombie, I’ll be contacting you.
Jolene