Why I Don’t Know How You Feel
When I wrote A Different Dream for My Child, the meditations addressing the death of children were the hardest ones to complete. Why? Because my child lived, and I felt hypocritical trying to comfort parents who have lost much more than I have.
God’s Holy Work
If my editor hadn’t insisted, I wouldn’t have tackled the subject. And even though several parents agreed to share their stories of loss for the meditations, I still felt like a fraud. But my attitude slowly changed with each interview conducted, and couples graciously opened their hearts, reliving their losses. Though some of them lost children over thirty years ago, they wept as they recalled their hard times. But, they also laughed, and all of them said their experiences strengthened them. As each interview concluded, I sensed a holiness that’s hard to put into words. I went home grateful and certain that bringing these children to life in the pages of the book was my small part in God’s holy work of gathering all our tears in a bottle and using them for good.
Compassionate Friends
If you are a parent who has lost a child, you are part of God’s holy work, too. You have lost more than I can ever imagine, and confess that I am not qualified to comfort you. But I am honored to hear about your son or daughter’s life. Your child’s life, no matter how brief, had value and purpose and touched many hearts and will continue to do so.
Though I don’t know how you feel, I can direct you to Compassionate Friends, a national organization started by a mother who lost her child. Many of the parents I interviewed recommended it highly. Their national website can help you locate a chapter near you. It provides resources and information, along with an 800 number to call for immediate assistance.
If you are struggling with your loss, please reach out to someone. Contact me or your pastor or Compassionate Friends until you find people who do know exactly how you feel and are able to help you.
We lost our sweet baby Sam one week and one day ago. We are struggling.
Joy, I am so very, very sorry to hear of Sam’s death. There are no words to say, and I am too far away to give you a hug. But my prayers go up for you and your family, and I pray that the God of all comfort, who knows the pain of losing a child, will be your comfort. My deepest sympathy to your family.
Our son Nicholas received his wings on May 23, 2008; 5 months and 4 days after he was born. We do find comfort in knowing that he is nestled in God’s sweet arms and that his heart and body are now whole and healthy.
For me, I found therapy in writing both during and his incredible life and even more so, in the journey that we embarked on, after he earned his wings.
All I can tell you is it takes time. It takes tears, it takes laughter and it takes holding those that are important in your life close to you. Reach out for support and find a therapy that is right for you, whether it be writing, exercising, crying, needlework etc. Find your outlet and give yourself the time you need to work through it.
Some people have said they found comfort in some of the writing I did after the loss of our dear sweet Nicholas. If it is of any help to you, I will pass it along here. https://www.carepages.com/carepages/NicholasHoward
God be with you as you embark on a journey that no parent should ever have to travel. May you find peace and the ability to smile once again.
Nicole,
Thank you for sharing your son’s story and the link to your writings. Thank you, also, for your wisdom and encouraging words to parents dealing with the loss of a child.
Nicolas’s homegoing day was our son’s 28th birthday, the first birthday we spent with him after his PTSD treatment, as a whole and complete person. To think of your suffering on the same day our family was restored touches my heart deeply. My prayers will go up for your family every May 23rd from now on.
May joy be yours one day soon,
Jolene
Thank you Jolene.
We have found our joy. Joy in the strong belief that Nicholas is at peace and is healthy. In some ways, both our children became whole on that special day in May.
We also find joy in the recent birth of our beautiful daughter Leyla. She was born with her brother’s spunk, her own personality and a very healthy heart. We believe she has a very special guardian angel watching over her.
I posted a link to this site on my Facebook page as I have many friends with amazing and “special” children. Some mention to me how they sometimes feel alone. It is great that this site allows them a place to share with others.
Thank you for your efforts in this area.
If I can help in anyway, please let me know.
BTW: I found your site through “Moments with Moriah” . Her and Nicholas were born only a couple of months apart and both with CHARGE syndrome. They are an amazing family and the mutual support between our families and the triumphs of their daughter have given me strength.
Yes, I saw the announcement of Leyla’s birth at Nicolas’s CarePage. What a wonderful gift she must be. Thanks so much for the Facebook link so more parents can find the support they need. And the Nelsons are amazing parents, aren’t they? God works in mysterious ways, using people to bring light into our lives in the midst of difficult times.
Best wishes to you and your family,
Jolene